Ghosts
by pandorabox82
Summary: Reid gets an unexpected letter, which leads him and Hotch to reminisce about the ghosts of their past. Written to promote the Profiler Choice Awards


Reid felt the blood drain from his face as he picked up the letter. It had been a long time since he had heard anything from that family, and he knew that he would need the support of his partner before he opened it to read what was inside.

Thankfully, they were home for the weekend and he stumbled into the living room, seeing that Hotch and Jack were in the middle of a game. Deciding not to interrupt them, he plopped down on the couch next to Hotch, resting his head on his shoulder. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"We can talk about it when you're done here. Okay?"

He nodded and Reid tried to still the heavy beating of his heart as he watched the game go on. In the end, Jack won and he grinned as he gave his father and him a high five. "I'll go finish up that homework now," he said before running from the room.

"All right, even Jack knows that you're upset. What's going on?"

"I got a letter today from Stephen."

Hotch stiffened and brought his arm to rest around Reid's shoulders, drawing him closer to his chest. "We haven't heard anything from them since Jason left you that letter in the cabin. What do you think that he wants?"

"I don't know. I, I wanted to open it when I was with you. Where I'm safe." He twirled the envelope with his fingers and took a few deep breaths. "I don't know if I want to open it, though. I've formed a scar over that wound, and I'm not certain that it would be wise to reopen that time in my life."

"And yet, you remember everything about that letter, about that time. It's part of who you are."

He nodded slowly and then slipped her finger beneath the seal, breaking it and then pulling out a single sheet of paper. "I'm going to read this aloud so that we can both hear it at the same time."

"That's fine." He smiled when he felt Hotch kiss the top of his head. It was a move that was both fatherly and loving, and he blossomed under the care that he had been shown since they had entered into this relationship. "Whenever you're ready, I'm willing."

Reid took another deep breath and then looked at the piece of paper. "Spencer, I suppose that I should write and tell you that my father decided to take the coward's way out today. He had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer and all he could focus on was trying to make amends. He never got around to you before overdosing on morphine. I'm sorry for all the hurt he caused you and your friends, your team. You never deserved to be put through that. None of us did. Stephen."

"That's all?" Hotch asked quietly after a moment of silence had passed.

"Yeah. In the end, he couldn't even tell me goodbye." For some stupid reason, Reid found himself tearing up and he turned his face into Hotch's chest, trying to stop himself from out and out crying.

"His time at the BAU ended up damaging his psyche. I should have seen it coming, what with the way he didn't bounce back after Bale. I should have stepped in sooner, taken over the mentorship role."

"But if you had done that, we might never have ended up together. For all his faults, in a way, he brought us together." He began to trace patterns on Hotch's chest, fighting to remain calm as he processed the news of Gideon's death. "I hope that he at least chose a painless way to die. There were moments when I thought about taking just a little too much Dilaudid, in just going to sleep and never waking up."

"You never told us that," Hotch whispered, his hand tightening around his shoulder. Reid felt himself flush a little as he shrugged. "Why?"

"I didn't want any of you to look at me differently. I knew that if I admitted that, you would see me in a different light. I would never have been able to regain any of your trust if I had told you that when I was struggling. I've been an outcast all my life, I didn't need yet another label applied to me. Please, tell me you understand that?"

"I do." Those quiet words told Reid everything that he needed to know and he sighed heavily as he pushed away from his lover. "I wish that you had told me, at least, though. I understand about wanting to just fall asleep. I had obligations that kept me here, though."

He nodded solemnly. "That's part of what kept me here, too. In the end, I couldn't do that to my mother. She would never have been able to understand what I did. We survived."

"We did. But still, we're haunted by the ghosts of life that attach to us. Foyet will never really leave me alone. The physical scars are, well, I wish that they were more extensive than the mental scars. I assume that the same holds true for you as well."

Reid gave him a wry smile. "You at least have scars. Tobias, in his insanity, was very careful not to leave any marks on me." Hotch frowned at him before leaning in and giving him a chaste kiss. That was the most affection they ever showed when Jack was running around, both of them more comfortable with keeping passionate embraces for behind closed doors.

"Ghosts and scars are all that we've ever seemed to accumulate. Haley told me that I needed to show Jack how to love. I feel like I've done a pretty poor job of that at times."

He shook his head as he kissed Hotch once more. "No, we've shown him many different facets of love. The deep, abiding, love that has the power to conquer attempted murder; the sweet love that spills over into romance after a long friendship; the love a mother has for her son, enough love to leave her creep of an ex. And the love of friendships, old and new. I love you."

"I love you, too." They kissed a third time before they stood and made their way to the kitchen, starting to get lunch ready for their family. Reid wouldn't let the ghosts of the past intrude on their lives any longer. The present was too sweet to let that happen.

**NOMINATIONS HAVE STARTED FOR PROFILER'S CHOICE CRIMINAL MINDS FANFIC AWARDS! Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for the annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards on fanfiction . net! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on this site, and let your voice be heard. Please check out the nomination ballot and rules at the ProfilerChoiceAwards2013 Forum. All rules and information are on the forum. Nominations are due October 31st. All entries with ten or more categories filled out are eligible to win one of two Amazon gift cards!**


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